A Day in the Life of a Tilly

So I was looking at an empty cardboard roll from the paper towels in the kitchen and I thought of a funny story from when I was a kid.

Since I was a pretty small child, shocker…sorry Bella… my brother Caleb often thought it was entertaining to use that to his advantage in his never-ending urge to come up with things people have never tried before. Now, let me say that today my brother is an AMAZING Daddy and husband. I adore him and admire him in so many ways. Hands down, he is just one of the all around greatest people that I know. He was a great kid as well, but anytime you have a child with an imagination as incredible as Caleb’s is you are bound to have some stories.

Most of the time I think he just wanted to see what would happen if he tried something out. Of course, I was the ideal guinea pig for the test runs. We played many rounds of “Let’s see if Emily can fit in this” and “Let’s find out if Emily can get out of the tree if I take the ladder away”. But once Caleb thought it would be funny to see find out just how far Emily could fly.

There I stood on the top of our brick retaining wall, about 4 ft. up off the ground. I waited in innocence dressed in my favorite splatter-painted sweat suit as Caleb stood across the yard from me with a 6 ft. long cardboard tube that had come from a roll of fabric my Mom had in the garage. Now, this thing was not flimsy like the ones your toilet paper comes on. We are talking 1/2 thick cardboard here. I knew he was going to do something. Looking back I can’t see why I thought that this was a great idea as well. Suddenly, his charge began. He had his eye on the target which I soon realized was indeed my 9 year old little belly. Next thing I know I was sent flying through the air, backwards off the wall.

This would be a good time to mention that one of the stupidest pieces of landscaping are those huge sticker bushes that do nothing but sit around and have inch long needles of death just waiting to catch some kid by surprise. I am sure they are called something very fancy but I have a better name for them. I mean, Seriously.

Needless to say, my adventure through the air accompanied by the 4 ft. drop off came to a painful end in our neighbors bushes, which yes…were a nice, very well grown patch of Hell Bushes. My stomach was on fire and apparently there had been a convorsation between the devil thorns, my butt and my thighs at which it was decided that they should all meet. At least Caleb thought it was funny…

Alright, today as Andy and I were at lunch we began to observe the phenomenon of the fashion world that surrounds all of us each and every day. It hit me that there is a rather large amount of people in today’s society who subscribe to the school of thought that there is more than one way to tuck in your shirt. Let’s take a look at a few examples and just for kicks, I am going to relate the tuck style to some priceless and well known choices people make when it comes to the way that they wear their hair.

The Full Tuck:
Let’s relate this one to the simple, Pro-Cuts special. The clean cut. To me, if you are going to tuck in your shirt then this is the only acceptable way to do so. However, with this tuck there should always be a reasonable space between the top of the pants and your armpits. Just because you tuck in your shirt to look nice does not mean that it is acceptable in any way, shape or form to wear your pants in a way that makes all of those around you uncomfortable at the fact that your crotch is on display for the world to see. If that region resembles the hoof of an animal AT ALL then your pants are pulled up entirely too high and you need to stop doing that. Today, seriously.

The Side Tuck:
This one would be the comb-over of the tucking world. One side of the shirt staying tucked snuggly right above the waistband of the pants while the opposite side hangs free creating an effect across the belly that can be handy for hiding a beer belly or even a muffin top. Thus, the illusion of a trim figure underneath and hiding any embarrassing Skin Spillage. However just like with the comb-over in the hair world, you are not fooling anyone. Underneath that strategically placed piece of fabric is indeed a pooch of some sort. We all got it…well most of us do…just like there are lot’s of bald guys out there. So how about we just drop the act and give it up. Really.

The Front Tuck:
Undoubtedly the mullet of the tuck club. Business in the Front, Party in the Back. While Andy still wants to argue that when he used to wear his shirts this way it was acceptable, I find that hard to believe. It’s like there has not yet been a decision made as to if the theme of the outfit is going to be laid back and relaxed or ready to meet your girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Similar to the mullet which happens to have the same flaw, there is a lack of clear definition of intentions. Are you ready to go to a company meeting, or toss on the nearest sleeveless shirt and head to the State Fair, listening to Jethro Tull and Journey all the way there in your pick-up truck while your girlfriend rides directly next to you, leaving the passenger seat wide open for no good reason? Let’s just decide, tuck or no tuck…short hair or long (sometimes even permed) hair. It needs to be done.