Friends
December 18, 2008
I must admit that even though there are a lot of places where Andy and I are alike, one place that we are not is his ability to maintain relationships with people over long periods of time despite any physical distance between them. Several months ago I finally got to spend some time with a dear friend of Andy’s named David. David and Andy first met in like the 5th grade and to this day, when times get though they are still there for eachother even though they are now both in their 30’s with busy lives of their own (that’s right if you read this Andy…I said that you are in your 30’s because you are). I on the other hand, even though I know that a few of my longtime friends would not hesitate to find me if they needed me, I know for a few more that isn’t true.
I can say that some of the relationships that I had to let go were for the better. Some I truly, truly miss. I know how ridiculous this sounds but through Facebook I have been able to step out there and maintain better contact with those that I would like to restore a closeness with. But the truth of it is that even though I can be in contact with those few from the past through wall posts and status updates, I found myself aching for the closeness of a true friend who I can see, laugh with and sit across from at lunch while we wipe the snotty noses of our kids with tissues we pull from our hoodie pockets. Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots and lots of people who I really like and enjoy spending time with and getting to know. But finding that person who I can melt to when I have failed as a wife or mother, who I can vent to when the stresses of marriage and being in ministry get to me, or who I can laugh with at something totally inappropriate and not have to think twice about it has been tough. I don’t think that’s just me. I think that most people who have found themselves having to build relationships from scratch as an adult can relate. Finding someone who understands life in the fish-bowl makes the challenge all the more interesting.
A few months ago God must have noticed that I was drowning in loneliness and torturing my husband in the process by expecting him to be provider, partner, husband and best gal-pal all at the same time and gave He me a holy kick in the tail to get me moving on finding someone to really connect with. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have found someone down here who’s humor, husband, child and life is so similar to mine. We can grocery shop together, spank our kids together, appreciate the awesomeness of the most amazing blender ever made together and almost burn up dinner in the oven after forgetting that we were cooking anything together. (BTW, thank you to my new friend. And also I am posting this on your wall on Facebook, sending it to you in an email, reading it to you on your voicemail, leaving it in a note in your car, arranging for you to have it tattooed on your body and sending you a singing telegram of this post. Joking…but seriously Bella is currently throwing a massive fit after I opened the front door and she realized that your son was not on the other side of it even though she spent the entire day with him yesterday.)
I am writing all of this because I wish that a little over a year ago when I was in a very dark and very sad place in my life that I had come across a post like this. Something coming from someone who knows what it’s like to be married to a life where it can be lonely at the top and the question of “Who can I possibly talk to” is an everyday occurance. To those of you who are in the same position of the hunt for true friendship in the midst of ministry and life in the fish-bowl I will tell you there is something to be said for going with your gut when God might be bringing someone your way. Isolation, ministry and loneliness can be a very, very dangerous combination and I know that first hand. Getting to truly know someone new is an odd process and I am still in it. It doesn’t happen overnight and it takes effort. However, it feels much better than it does to not have taken the chance.
An Encounter with a Stranger
December 15, 2008
Today I decided to brave the 20-ish degree weather to get some errands taken care of with Bella. We ended up at Old Navy based on the fact that it feeling like winter finally inspired me to get my poor daughter some clothes that will actually keep her warm when she is outside the walls of our home…or possibly also when she is within them as well. Bella, true to form made the trip yet another memorable event…
After hitting the 2 for $10 rack and getting a great deal on some fleece hoodies and pants we headed to the checkout counter. The line was about 10 people long so of course patience was needed. Bella of course had already captured the attention of everyone waiting in line by taking random things and asking me “Paleeeeze Momma can I have dis one? Its my favwite fing I eva saw today!” By the time we got up to the front of the line my curious kid had already started to wander further from me to see what I was going to let her get away with before I threatened to not get her a sucker at the bank. I paid for our cute little sweat-sets and pairs of jammies all in size 2T and turned to head out of the store. I scan the area around the line of people waiting to check out and sure enough Bella had emerged from her hiding place behind the men’s socks and was standing exactly where I hadbeen 1 minute earlier. Without looking up to verify she had the right pant leg in her hand, she began to run her hand up the backside of the upper thigh of someone she assumed was her mother, yet was indeed a perfect stranger. Before I can even stop her, she has her little fingers scratching and groping at the lower butt cheek of this poor woman, who thank the Lord was a mother herself and wasn’t even phased by the event. I found this a little amusing yet to avoid any further violation of this lady I said to her, “Bella that’s not who you think that is baby…”
Hearing my voice and realizing it is not coming from the person next to her she looks up to see that the bottom she was groping was not the bottom of who she thought it was and suddenly her eyes beamed with fear. She quickly surveyed the area around her and there she sees me, just a few feet away. A laughter comes from the people in line as well as the Old Navy employees who had witnessed the past few minutes and her look of fear quickly turned into sheer and utter humiliation. My sweet little baby hung her head in embarrassment and ran into my arms as fast as her little pink hightop Converse would take her. As soon as she got her cold little hands on me the tears began to stream down her tiny cheeks. Those big tear-filled brown eyes looked into mine for comfort and quietly she said “I don wan dose people to see me sad Momma. Dey’s laffin at me.” I wiped her tears and gently said “Bella baby, they are laughing because you are so funny and they think you are very big and smart.” Her countenance quickly changed and with a small, meek smile she said “Oh, ok Momma. So dey jus know I am dey’s favwite fing today?” As I scooped her into my arms and stood from the stamped concrete floor I said in her ear “Yes Baby, you are their favorite thing today.”
We get to the car and as I am strapping her into her carseat we have the following exchange of thoughts:
Bella: “Momma, I wubbed on dat ladies booty.”
Me: “Yes Bella, you did rub on that ladies booty.”
Bella: “I fink she was happy cause she knows I am so big.”
Me: “Well baby, I don’t know. But please make sure it’s Mommy next time ok?”
Bella: “Ok Momma, I weew only wub on yo booty.”
Me: “Arlight baby. That’s my girl.”
The Christmas Letter
December 14, 2008
Alright, it is official. I am joining the ranks of woman-ly adulthood. I have thought a few times about writing a letter out to those we know and love, telling them the events in the life of our little family during the course of the year that is about to pass. Yet, not once have I ever intended to follow through with that passing thought. It’s not that I don’t like to write letters…if you read this blog you know that story telling and writing is something that I love to do. There is 1 soul reason why I have not (and never will as long as I have a breath in my body) sent out your typical yearly Christmas letter. Addresses. No part of my being has any such desire to gather hundreds and hundreds of addresses. My mother happens to be one of those people who can tell you the last 3 addresses of any given 10 people she has known for any chosen period of time as well as their anniversaries and their kids birthdays. I on the other hand could not tell you anyone’s phone number besides Andy’s out of the 100+ I have in my cell phone and I have been known to check 4 to 5 times before leaving the house to be sure I did indeed unplug my flat-iron.
So anyway, this year I have decided that I can get the best of both worlds by writing our family letter, yet post it on Facebook and this blog to avoid having to do the painstaking task of gathering street addresses, apartment numbers and zip codes. I need to admit I am quite proud of this little idea of mine. So now the work has begun. Pictures to post are being gathered and what the heck, may as well get a video of our little family thrown together as well. I mean you can’t do that in a paper letter anyway right? So to those of you who are interested, keep an eye out on the this blog for the first official Tilly Family (Denton, TX Location) 2008 Letter.
My Little DJ
December 11, 2008
Bella loves music. She has quite a variety from 1950’s music to rap (or booty trash music as I like to call it). Just recently she has started writing her own songs and putting on a concert for me when she is in the bath tub. These things she comes up with are priceless and she just sings her heart out. When we are out and about, she sits perched in her car seat in the back of the car and shouts out one song selection after another at me as if it is the Top 100 Request Hour. The other day she sat on Andy’s lap at our desk in the office with ipod earbuds in her tiny ears staring at all of his playlists on itunes. Every few minutes she would ask for a new song if she liked what she was hearing. But then when she wasn’t happy with DJ Andy’s selection she would demand a new song every 5 seconds until she found one she liked. She must have sat there for 30 minutes. Here are a few of her most recent favorites…If you are a music junkie like me you will appreciate her variety. She is quite diverse!
“Somebody’s Baby” by Jackson Browne
“The Cupid Shuffle” You would have to ask Andy on this one…
“Tennessee” by Arrested Development (Now that’s old school)
“Saturday Night” by The Bay City Rollers
“Authority Song” by Jimmy Eat World
“Take it Easy” by The Eagles
“Wild Wild Life” by The Talking Heads (She has this one memorized)
“River of Dreams” by Billy Joel
“Life in a Northern Town” by Dream Academy
All is well…
December 9, 2008
It was Monday November 10th on a plane back from Italy that I first started to feel like I was getting sick. Literally one month later we are all finally well. Bella started the puke fest off the day after we got home from our trip to Rome and Venice which started a cycle of terrible colds, random fevers, a little more stomach bug for the family to share and ended with me hooked up to an EKG machine while my darling mother and daughter watched me (bare chested mind you…me not my mother) get checked to be sure that the extreme stabbing pain I had in my chest was not a heart attack. Yes, yes it has been a very long and very nasty month. Did I forget to mention that we have had house guests every week for the entire month as well? Which I didn’t mind at all, I was just nervous that we were going to get them sick somehow even though I have Lysol-ed this house from top to bottom so much that if I smell the scent of Mountain Mist anytime soon I am going to probably vomit.
Today Bella finally returned to school after a month of being away from her buddies. Poor kid, I know she is destined to bring some tiny germ ready to infest her body once again but at least I got to make good on my promise to her that one day she would finally get to go back to school.
The good news is, we are all well at this point and we are all here to live another day together. I may be getting out the puke towel or calling about an ear infection once again 24 hrs. from now due to a poor infected kid at childcare coming in close contact with my little girl. I may have a fear hanging over my head that at any moment I am going to have a stabbing sensation in my lungs again since we never found out what the crap that was. And I may have a toilet in our guest bath tub since Andy took out half of the wall trying to find a water leak and now left toilet-less in our guest bathroom with more house guests coming to town tomorrow and again on Friday. Yet, at least we are here in a nice warm home with plenty of food to eat, good friends nearby, money in the bank, our Bella-decorated Christmas tree in the corner and lots of love . Even in the chaos, life is good.
Awe, so great to see Americans in the spirit of the Holidays…
December 6, 2008
Ever been in a situation where you cannot believe the events that are taking place around you? I have many times. Yet a week ago this hit a whole new level for me…
So there I am in Kroger on the 288 loop in Denton the night before Thanksgiving. Now I know that this is pretty much just asking for it to put myself in that situation, but I did it on purpose to get my mind off of my Mother in India. (Yes this was the day of the attacks, so I was a little anxious to say the least.) Alright, so mass chaos doesn’t even begin to describe the atmosphere. I knew when I walked in to get a cart and there were none left that this was going to be interesting. I patiently wait for a cart to arrive. Even gave the first 2 that came my way to 2 older couples who needed one as well. I am one of those people who greatly dislikes when people are outright hateful in situations like this so I try to be kind to strangers and always say please, thank you and smile. I hit the produce section and my shock began. Grown adults shoving, yelling and cussing at each other and the poor kids trying to re-stock the produce as fast as they could. There was one woman who came up behind me and hit me with her cart in the middle of my back. An accident…I thought. That is until she continued to shove her cart into my back over and over again in a effort to get the lime and lemon section as fast as possible. I mean there were only like 1,000 pieces of citrus on that thing so I can understand her hurry. She was just the tip of the iceberg.
Next was of course the free-for all at the Turkey bin where I saw 2 different people drop items including 4 WHOLE TURKEYS on the floor and just leave them there. Then one of couples down the dog food aisle literally took milk, vegetables and some other perishable items out of their cart and left them piled on a bag of dog toys! Who does that? I kept thinking you people should be whipped for being so selfish. Like taken outside and spanked like a little child infront of everyone. It was then that I came across an interesting situation. There was a rather large…and by large I mean over 500 lbs. large woman riding on a motorized cart through the store. She had her son I assume with her and at first my heart went out to her. At first. This woman not only treated this guy like a slave dog yelling at him to get her another head of lettuce for her to poke around on and telling him what a worthless idiot he was, she also decided to let the rest of the people in the store know how stupid we were as well. Ever had your grocery cart rammed not once but 5 times over and over again until it finally rolled out of the way of a 500 lb. woman wearing a night gown and sweat pants in a motorized cart…um I have. She seriously backed up and hit the cart 5 times before I could even get to it. I mean what do you say at that point? “Hey lady, can you not ram the crap out of my cart and then drive over the strap of my purse that you knocked out and slightly drag it behind you for a few feet please??” It was like an episode of Seinfeld.
Ok, so now it was time to check out. I like to call this part of the store the Looney Bin because people just started going insane. Never in my life as an adult have I had grown men and women cut in line as if they are 5 year old waiting in line for the water fountain after recess. It was ridiculous. And then they sit there with their heads in a magazine or texting on their phones like I didn’t just notice how you hit my basket with yours and bumped me out of your way to take the place in line which I was literally just standing in. It is at this point that I hear it. Down at the express checkout lane which was 2 over from me so I had a perfect view. There is a large man, about 6′2″ and about 300 lbs. and in front of him an average size woman and her daughter. Here is what I hear:
Woman: Um sir, we are going as fast as we can. Please be patient.
Guy: Well lady, you guys need to pick things up. We are all on schedules here.
This guy then proceeds to start picking up items this lady was buying and scanning them for her. He SHOVES her daughter out of the way who was scanning the items while Mom was bagging them up.
Woman: Excuse me sir but that is my daughter.
Guy: I don’t give a (insert cuss word here) who she is. She is slow as (insert cuss word here) and I am in a hurry.
Woman: Sir, she is 12 years old and I need you to back up from her or I am going to call store security.
Guy: Look lady, you guys need to (insert cuss word here and add “ing” to it) get your crap and get out of the way and take your retard of a kid to get some lessons on how to use some modern technology. I mean geez lady, its a grocery scanner. Any idiot can do it…well then again I guess not.
I kid you not. I was floored and at that point if I had been able to make a quick get-away I was on the edge of taking a mango out of my cart and beaming this guy in his greasy head. I was furious! Needless to say security was called and this moron was escorted out of the store. The poor lady was just shaking from being verbally assaulted by the guy and her daughter was in tears.
Who acts this way? I will tell you…stupid people act that way. Grow up, seriously.
Am I stressed about Christmas shopping? No…because we don’t do any.
December 3, 2008
First of all, Andy and I aren’t big present people. In fact, we are those people who barely even get each other an actual birthday present. Rather we opt for a vacation of some sort. That way we both get to enjoy it! However I will say Andy has asked for a vacation by himself for his birthday…which yes did really make me mad. But that’s just Andy, bless his quirky little heart. We are also those people who are unfortunately known for never bringing a present to an event where 7 out of 10 people brought a present. Basically, if the invitation isn’t for some sort of baby or wedding shower then we probably aren’t going to think to bring anything. It’s not like we do it on purpose, I just think that since we aren’t present people we really don’t even remotely think about it. Bad habit I guess, but with us it’s more about the time and the people and not about what we get from someone else. But that’s just the way we are. Andy and I are alike in so many ways and I love it…most of the time. I guess we figure that even if we are odd, we are perfectly odd together.
Our first Christmas together we decided to spend $150 on each other at the last minute. And by last minute I mean on Christmas Eve. Andy got me a candle, some shampoo and conditioner and some clothes I think that I took back. I got him a gym bag that he hated and never even used…not once, and a few shirts, one of which he actually liked and the others he took back as well so no, it wasn’t just me. Oh yea, I got him a Pin-Pong paddle too but that was more to show him that I knew he had been playing Ping-Pong with his buddy Mark at random times during the day when he had told me he had “meetings” for work. Anyway, after that year we kind of decided not to worry about it and just relax during the holiday. I should say we started buying gifts for at least our kid when she was born, yet that isn’t true. We just figured so many people give her presents that we will allow them to take all of the credit and joy…and debt on that deal. I think this year we might need to get her at least something. But honestly more than 2 gifts and I would be shocked.
I think as a family this year (The Kuykendall’s) we are kicking any present buying for anyone but the little ones and I am excited about. I couldn’t tell you what I would even ask for as a gift for Christmas anyway. I just don’t think about it. We are looking into the whole Advent Conspiracy thing and that is right up my alley. It’s funny that Christians do Christmas just like the rest of America…shouldn’t that be like the ONE holiday where we look different that everyone else? And not just by adding a Christmas Eve service to the mass chaos this season has turned into? Anyway, that’s just me.
The Things We Do…
December 1, 2008
For me, along with motherhood came a laundry list of things that I never thought would be a part of my everyday life. Some are things that I thought I would never be capable of while others are things that I just never even thought of. I think it’s funny to compare the things that you would never, ever dream of doing with another adult. Yet when it’s your baby it’s a whole new set of rules. Here a list of a few of mine…it just keeps growing and growing…
I never thought I would be able to walk around my house with snot streaks on my shirt and not want to vomit.
I never thought I would be having a conversation with a person as I wipe someone else’s butt.
I never thought that catching someones vomit in a beach towel while navigating my car through the CVS parking lot would feel like a triumph.
I never thought that I would give someone a kiss while also encouraging them to “keep pushin” all taking place while they are seated on the toilet.
I never thought I would have the natural instinct to place my hand under someones mouth when they begin to gag on their food.
I never thought I would not be bothered by someone oogling at me while I get dressed and undressed.
I never thought my heart would break at the sight of someone throwing up uncontrollably and not start vomiting myself.
I never thought someone else’s poop would consume so much of my life.
I never thought that I would want to smack a small child in the face for them being mean to my kid.
I never thought that I would be sung to or danced for while I am on the toilet.
I never thought someone galloping into the room only to give me a snotty kiss, wipe their nose on my pant leg and say 4 words to me…I Love You Momma…would make my heart swell like it is going to burst.
