A Day in the Life of a Tilly

I was making our bed after getting home from picking Bella up from school today. Here was our conversation…

Bella: Momma, when I get scayed (scared) I can just call Jesus.
Me: Yes Bella, you can call Jesus. Did you learn that at school today?
Bella: Yes I did. An you know what else I luned (learned) Momma?
Me: What baby?
Bella: I luned dat I can jus call Jesus and he can make me feew betta all da time.
Me: Yes Bella. That’s right.
Bella: Momma, can I climb up on my table and jump off of it?
Me: No Bella, you can’t climb up on your table and jump off of it. You might hurt yourself.

She pauses…Then looks up at the ceiling and yells

Bella: Jeeeeeeesuuuuuuuus…..JEEEEEEEEESUUUUUUUUUUS. I’m wite hew! I wanna climb up on my table and jump off of it Jesus! My Momma said no to me Jesus! Can I jump off of my table please!!

She pauses again and then looks at me…

Bella: Jesus said I can climb up on my table and jump off it Momma.
Me: Oh he did huh? Well I didn’t hear him.
Bella: He whispered Momma.
Me: Whatever Bella. No jumping.
Bella: Shhhhh, you can’t say dat to me now. Jesus is sleeping now. So don’t say anyheen else to me. He needs some west.

It was Tuesday when it all started. Walking through the lobby to check Bella in for Pre-School another mom from the class asks me one question…

Is your train for the parade ready yet?

What? Train for what parade? Oh, we must have missed that since Bella had been out of school since Valentine’s Day and I didn’t have her folder with all of the upcoming events of CTCC Pre-School. I go to her class, take a sneak peek into her folder to find one simple sheet of paper that I skim however I pick up on the key points…Make a train car with your child….Let them do the work…Get creative…Got it! No problem, it wasn’t due until Thursday. I got plenty of time!

Wednesday: Ok, what are we going to use for a train car for Bella to wear at school? Um, I know! We have that box that my laptop came in. That will be perfect! Hmmmm, what else…Oh great! I have that old apron that I can cut the ribbon ties off of and those can be the straps! Awesome! Man, I am hitting all the points here. Handmade and creative. I am such a great Mom. Maybe next year I will try to be a Room Mom, maybe in a few years PTA? Who knows!

I grab a kitchen knife and start to hack away at a Dell box covered in shipping labels. Bella is next to me beaming with excitement. Seeing her so happy I decide, she needs some wheels. We aren’t doing this thing halfway baby! I grab a small trashcan and trace the bottom of it on a piece of leftover box. Boom, 4 wheels baby! I am on a roll! We get out the markers and she gets going making her perfect little creation to parade around in with her friends the next day. I am feeling like the best Mom ever. Wait, girl we need to kick this thing up a notch…I know, I have some red, yellow and blue files folders!! Let’s color on those and you can glue them to your train! “Great Idea MOMMA!” She yells with excitement.

This morning the train was finished. I was so proud. She was so excited. It’s time to make our grand entrance kid. The car ride to the church was awesome. We hop out of the car, grab Bella’s little back pack and “Don’t foget my bootiful twane Momma!” Got it babe. Let’s go.

In the lobby I see one or two tiny little trains walking to class. Then a few more. I am now starting to see a theme here…
Wow, that one’s pretty cool.
Geez, did you see that thing? 
Man, that Thomas the train looks even better than the one on TV!
Holy crap, is that card board or mahogany?
Ok, fake smoke, now that’s impressive.
I wonder how long it took to spell your entire name out in tiny rhinestones down the side of that thing?
But these aren’t in the same classes that are doing the parade with Bella right? Like this has to be something different…right? Wrong Mom.

It hits me. I glance down to my little girl in her Dell Box with the shipping label on the side half covered by a piece of red file folder…Oh no. No no no. I am not that Mom. She is NOT that kid! No! As the little engines and cars pass by my heart begins to sink…it’s true. Lord please don’t let her notice…

I will say this. My life is one that seems to be a constant stream of mistakes and instances of embarrassing myself. At least I can laugh about it. So I just began to laugh. I laughed and laughed. I cried for a second but I don’t think anyone saw. I was glad I didn’t have a camera since I hadn’t quite decided if I should record this memory for her or if it would scar her for life. She was in her classroom getting ready to be paraded through the church lobby and each and every one of the classrooms. She was still so excited. I had planned to leave after dropping her off to run some errands, but No No. We are in it together kid. Now you wear that Dell box the best you can wear it baby. Let’s go.

I walked beside her every step of the way. Class after class. Mom’s lined the hallways. There were a few looks here and there as if to say ‘Oh, look at that poor little girl. She must have found that one the side of the road on the way to school. Maybe they need to talk to the church about getting some Benevolence funds’. Deep down I was hoping she wouldn’t notice that she looked different. But after all, it said let your kid make their train. My kid make a freakin train and we were gonna ‘Choo-Choo’ all the way to the bank baby. We rounded the last corner and there was Andy. He made it perfect. The over exaggerated look of happiness and pride on his face caught her eye and suddenly she was beaming.

She wore that train. She wore it proud and rocked her tiny pink Converse as well.

And I promised her ice cream after school.

You have to love the honesty of little kids. Bella has had a terrible cough all week this week so I have kept her out of childcare for 3 reasons: Not to infect someone else. Not to infect her with anything new. Not to be the Mom who takes their kid to childcare while they are hacking, gagging and coughing their little lungs out. So needles to say I have had her with me on my errands this week. Yesterday we were in the new Kroger (Love it!!) in the frozen food section. I was carefully scoping out which frozen veggies were the ones in the 10 for $10 special as Bella sat patiently in the cart. The next 5 minutes were awesome in a super embarrassing/hilarious kind of way. Here is the scene: Frozen food aisle. 3 or 4 people all within a few feet of one another. 2 Kroger employees restocking the Lean Cuisines.

Incident#1:
There was a woman who was on her cell phone who decided to move our cart out of her way rather than going around it. Bella then proceeds to tattle:
“Momma! That guwl moved my basket!”
“It’s ok Bella, you are fine.”
“No Momma, dat big guwl wite dayer on da phone (as she is pointing) moved my basket an she was naughty to me!!”
“Bella, you do not say that. You are just fine.”
“Momma, she needs a spankin…”
I give her “the look” and she hangs her head quietly.

Incident#2:
After getting in trouble for shouting at the lady who moved our cart (which by the way who moves someone else’s cart with their kid in it anyway??), Bella raises her head just in time to notice a man standing a few feet away. His arms are covered in tattoos. He waives at Bella since she is obviously staring him down.
“Momma, dat boyee said hi to me.”
“That’s nice Bella. It’s ok to say hi back to him.”
She waives.
“Momma, whats on dat boyees awms wite dayer?”
At this point I am getting nervous about what is coming next.
“That is paint Bella. Those are called tattoos and sometimes big people get them painted on their skin.”
I knew this guy was listening to me. I have no idea why I said what I said next but I did. Maybe I was trying to let him know that I don’t have a problem with tattoos at all. Maybe I just didn’t want him to think I was an uptight conservative. Maybe I just wanted him to think I was cool. Anyway, again I don’t know what I was thinking.
“Bella, Uncle Bubba (my brother) has one of those (he does on his back).”
This was the wrong road to go down…
“No he doesn’t Momma. Unka Bubba does not have dat paint. He has showas (showers) and heez awms is clean and dey don’t have dat paint on dem like dat boyee does.”
“Bella, yes Uncle Bubba does have paint on him. But it is one his back.”
“I hink dat boy needs a baftubby and heez Momma needs to wash him off.”
“Thank you Bella. You are done. Anymore questions you have you need to whisper them to me please.”

Incident #3:
At this point I am heading out of the frozen foods section hoping to keep her moving and unable to study anyone else for too long. A man who was restocking some sort of frozen item is the last person for us to pass. I am not sure where this one came from. Maybe she was making it up, maybe she wasn’t. Either way it was really embarrassing.
We pass the man.
“Momma, dat big boyee tooted.” (Fake forced laugh follows).
“Bella, don’t say that.”
“No Momma. Dat boyee wite dayer jus tooted! (Fake forced laugh follows) An I hink it might be stinky!” (Fake forced laugh follows)
All I am thinking is get her out of here, get her out fast. As we round the corner, there is one final insult she feels the need to deliver…she lifts her tiny hand and begins to waive it infront of her nose…
“Shoooooo-Weeeeee Momma!”

We make our escape and as I am wheeling away from the humiliation I just had to laugh at her. I couldn’t help but appreciate how smart she is, how funny she is, how innocent she is and how so much can come out of someone so tiny. I get the feeling she is going to be like her Daddy…

Potty Training. I am not very good at it and Bella is too smart for her own good. She knows how to work the system. At this point it is simply a battle of wills. Lately she has been doing really good. Hardly any accidents unless she is outside playing and doesn’t want to come in to use the potty for fear of not being let back outside where she digs for hours and hours searching for worms that she wants to grow into snakes. It has been good. Almost there…we were almost there.

Yet today, just 24 hrs. after we had her family birthday party to celebrate her turning 3 in true form when I heard her tiny voice calling to me. I knew what had happened. I could tell by the way she sounded that she was hiding behind the mirror in the corner of our bedroom. The very spot where every time she would go back there, she would emerge with statements such as “Momma, I don’t want you to smell me. Leave me alone for the rest of the day” or “Mommy, I was just hiding so that you wouldn’t peek on my while I was pooping in my Pull-Up”. So I had a feeling when I found her hiding in her spot that there was an accident waiting for me. She pops her little head out from behind the mirror and the following takes place

Bella: “Momma, I need you to pay a chicken to me.”
Me: “You mean pay attention to you?”
Bella: “Yes Momma. I need you to pay a chicken. I am goeen to tell you the twoof. I just pooped in my pool up when I was behine yo miwow (mirror) and it is weely stinky.”
Me: “Ok, thank you for being honest. Tell me what happened Bella?”
Bella: “Wayl…I wanted to wun to the potty weely fast like lightneen McQueen (from Cars) but…wayl my poop was weely kinda…melty.”
Me: “Melty? Ok. I get it.”
Bella: “I twied Momma.”
Me: “I got it baby. Sometimes it just happens.”

Nothing like a little too much cake icing to throw a wrench in the wheel!

Today I decided to brave the 20-ish degree weather to get some errands taken care of with Bella. We ended up at Old Navy based on the fact that it feeling like winter finally inspired me to get my poor daughter some clothes that will actually keep her warm when she is outside the walls of our home…or possibly also when she is within them as well. Bella, true to form made the trip yet another memorable event…

After hitting the 2 for $10 rack and getting a great deal on some fleece hoodies and pants we headed to the checkout counter. The line was about 10 people long so of course patience was needed. Bella of course had already captured the attention of everyone waiting in line by taking random things and asking me “Paleeeeze Momma can I have dis one? Its my favwite fing I eva saw today!” By the time we got up to the front of the line my curious kid had already started to wander further from me to see what I was going to let her get away with before I threatened to not get her a sucker at the bank. I paid for our cute little sweat-sets and pairs of jammies all in size 2T and turned to head out of the store. I scan the area around the line of people waiting to check out and sure enough Bella had emerged from her hiding place behind the men’s socks and was standing exactly where I hadbeen 1 minute earlier. Without looking up to verify she had the right pant leg in her hand, she began to run her hand up the backside of the upper thigh of someone she assumed was her mother, yet was indeed a perfect stranger. Before I can even stop her, she has her little fingers scratching and groping at the lower butt cheek of this poor woman, who thank the Lord was a mother herself and wasn’t even phased by the event. I found this a little amusing yet to avoid any further violation of this lady I said to her, “Bella that’s not who you think that is baby…”

Hearing my voice and realizing it is not coming from the person next to her she looks up to see that the bottom she was groping was not the bottom of who she thought it was and suddenly her eyes beamed with fear. She quickly surveyed the area around her and there she sees me, just a few feet away. A laughter comes from the people in line as well as the Old Navy employees who had witnessed the past few minutes and her look of fear quickly turned into sheer and utter humiliation. My sweet little baby hung her head in embarrassment and ran into my arms as fast as her little pink hightop Converse would take her. As soon as she got her cold little hands on me the tears began to stream down her tiny cheeks. Those big tear-filled brown eyes looked into mine for comfort and quietly she said “I don wan dose people to see me sad Momma. Dey’s laffin at me.” I wiped her tears and gently said “Bella baby, they are laughing because you are so funny and they think you are very big and smart.” Her countenance quickly changed and with a small, meek smile she said “Oh, ok Momma. So dey jus know I am dey’s favwite fing today?” As I scooped her into my arms and stood from the stamped concrete floor I said in her ear “Yes Baby, you are their favorite thing today.”

We get to the car and as I am strapping her into her carseat we have the following exchange of thoughts:
Bella: “Momma, I wubbed on dat ladies booty.”
Me: “Yes Bella, you did rub on that ladies booty.”
Bella: “I fink she was happy cause she knows I am so big.”
Me: “Well baby, I don’t know. But please make sure it’s Mommy next time ok?”
Bella: “Ok Momma, I weew only wub on yo booty.”
Me: “Arlight baby. That’s my girl.”