When does it end???
February 2, 2009
Potty Training. I am not very good at it and Bella is too smart for her own good. She knows how to work the system. At this point it is simply a battle of wills. Lately she has been doing really good. Hardly any accidents unless she is outside playing and doesn’t want to come in to use the potty for fear of not being let back outside where she digs for hours and hours searching for worms that she wants to grow into snakes. It has been good. Almost there…we were almost there.
Yet today, just 24 hrs. after we had her family birthday party to celebrate her turning 3 in true form when I heard her tiny voice calling to me. I knew what had happened. I could tell by the way she sounded that she was hiding behind the mirror in the corner of our bedroom. The very spot where every time she would go back there, she would emerge with statements such as “Momma, I don’t want you to smell me. Leave me alone for the rest of the day” or “Mommy, I was just hiding so that you wouldn’t peek on my while I was pooping in my Pull-Up”. So I had a feeling when I found her hiding in her spot that there was an accident waiting for me. She pops her little head out from behind the mirror and the following takes place
Bella: “Momma, I need you to pay a chicken to me.”
Me: “You mean pay attention to you?”
Bella: “Yes Momma. I need you to pay a chicken. I am goeen to tell you the twoof. I just pooped in my pool up when I was behine yo miwow (mirror) and it is weely stinky.”
Me: “Ok, thank you for being honest. Tell me what happened Bella?”
Bella: “Wayl…I wanted to wun to the potty weely fast like lightneen McQueen (from Cars) but…wayl my poop was weely kinda…melty.”
Me: “Melty? Ok. I get it.”
Bella: “I twied Momma.”
Me: “I got it baby. Sometimes it just happens.”
Nothing like a little too much cake icing to throw a wrench in the wheel!
And So It Goes…
January 30, 2009
Well, the day has come and gone. Our baby turned 3 years ol
d yesterday. This morning nothing out of the ordinary has taken place. Bella was directing me in her squeaky little voice from her end of the house to come free her from her bed at around 9:15. I enter her room, turn off her noise maker and am then informed of the events that have taken place in her little bed throughout the last 12 hrs. and for an added bonus she also begins the timeline with recalling exactly how she went to bed and anything that happened in the few hours before that the night before. Snuggled up in my arms in her non-pee soaked Pull-Up (WHOO-HOO!!) we hurry through the house with Paddington Bear, Max the bunny and her 3 brand new stuffed mice (who happen to be named Cat, Stripey Cat and Lots of Cats) and of course her pink blankie all in tow. The goal is to get back into my bed and under the covers before they loose their heat on my side of the bed…and yes that is an admission that 99% of the time I do stay in bed, sleeping, until the very second that Bella wakes up. We snuggle deep under the covers and get warm once again. I don’t know why I do that to myself knowing that in a matter of a few minutes I am going to be asked to get her something to eat from the kitchen. After a few still, warm, quiet minutes together, her order for breakfast is placed and I search for the remote in our comforter from where ever it got burried last night between Andy and I after the sleep timer shut off the Church Channel. And then the day begins.
This particualar morning, as I sat under the covers in our bed with my laptop and Bella sitting next to me watching Clifford the Big Red Dog something occurred to me. It came about in a conversation…yet it was not with another adult but with my little girl…who is becoming a little person…right before my eyes.
Bella: Momma, you said you were gonna just do a little tiny wook (work) and you are doing a big wook because you awe still on yo compewter.
Me: Well Bella I am writing on my blog about you being 3 years old now.
Bella: Well, I want to wook in my jewnal (journal) den.
Me: Alright. Hey Bella, what do you want to do today?
Bella: I don’t know Momma………..What do you want to do today?
Me: I’d like to go to the gym.
Bella: Ok, in a little bit let’s get dwessed and den we can go to the gym. And den we can have lunch togedew (together) and come back home. Maybe we can get Daddy fwom wook if he wants to go wun (run) at da gym today. Does dat sound good to you Mom?
I just stared at her. Here was my little baby, next to me with a pen in her hand intently writing “stories” in her journal, making an agenda for the day. I saw her differently this morning. She was a little person. Our little person. At that moment I put down the computer and took her little body in my arms. I held her closer than I ever remember holding her. I smelled her hair, and kissed her tiny hands that aren’t so tiny anymore. I just held her there, my sweet little baby who has a whole world just waiting on the other side of the walls of this house. As if my heart couldn’t get any more full, this sweet little girl turns her eyes up to me and with such beauty simply says to me…
“Momma, I just love you so much”.
“I love you too baby. I love you too.”
Time Moving On.
January 24, 2009
I cannot believe that January is almost over. 2009 is already flying past me and that’s a little unsettling but exciting at the same time. Sure there are times when I wish time could stand still. Times when I am on the couch snuggled under a blanket watching my little girl run with such uncontrollable joy into the living room to taunt Andy to chase her knowing all she wants is to be caught in his strong arms and tickled until she is nearly out of breath. Times when my she falls asleep on my lap while she is waiting for Andy to come home, her little heart filled with excitement and anticipation, yet her little body exhausted and so comfortable next to her Momma that the weight of her eyelids eventually wins the battle. Times when Andy and I are in some part of the world we never thought we would see, experiencing things in our life that few people get to experience.
I don’t want Bella to grow up, I don’t want Andy or I to get old…yet time moving forward I have found to be an experience that I am quite enjoying. Time moving forward means sitting at a table for lunch with our little family of 3, listening to Bella order what she wants for lunch and then Andy and I intently listening as she tells us all about her time at Chuckie Cheese with her best buddy a few days before and then onto how much she wants to learn to roller skate like the big kids. Time moving on means getting to hear from the heart of the little person I love more than words can express randomly tell me how much she loves me…”as big as the sky is” and of course even better is to hear her admiration for her Daddy in a way that shows that in her tiny little way she knows how amazing he truly is…”Momma, my Daddy can do any-hing. An he Loves me Big Big.” Time moving on means learning more and more about the man that I love and the people we were made to be, separate and together. Time moving on means seeing more and more of God’s promises coming true as well as His surprises showing up from time to time, sometimes good and sometimes not so good, yet all part of the plan that’s a lot bigger than me so I am in for whatever it takes.
Time moving on isn’t so bad…as long as you don’t let it go without seeing how truly remarkable every minute of it is.
The Not-So-Christmas Time-Christmas Letter
January 9, 2009
Long past due, yet here it is…
2008….Oh 2008. You went by so very quickly yet you were a year for the books.
For the Tilly’s 2008 started out in a bit if a haze. Lot’s of learning and hard lessons had come at the end of 2007 that left us sort of walking around trying to figure out which way was up. Yet as strange as I am sure that sounds, January 1st of 2008 marked the beginning of a year that was going to be packed full of some life-changing firsts and a few regrettable seconds and thirds. In it all, the theme for 2008 for our little family was learning and living in knowing that God is God and God is good…in all things.
Bella turned 2 in late January of 2008. What a crazy little woman she has become with her 3rd birthday just around the corner. The last year she has started to really show who Isabella Grace Tilly is going to be. We still have the picture that our dear friend for life Evan took of her the day that we moved into this house. In June we celebrated the year anniversary of that day and it was really strange to think it had already been a year and I was still waiting for it to feel like home. Once the traveling schedule for Andy slowed down a little and he was here more it started to finally feel like we were settled for a season. Being at Crosstimbers has been a blessing and we are enjoying the process. Having Andy home this much during the last year for the first time in our marriage has had its rewards and challenges, yet it is a season that I will truly treasure in the years to come when I know him coming home each day to have dinner and sleep in our bed will simply not always be the case.
As I said, 2008 was a year of firsts for us. Of course so was 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004. I guess that’s just how life is laid out for Andy and I. We celebrated our first year in our home. I had my first opportunity to cook for people on a regular basis and loved it. I am still trying to get the confidence to get myself out there and do it some more. We did host our first family holiday at Thanksgiving where the meal turned out pretty good if I might say so myself. Andy and I took our first trip to Italy which was nothing short of amazing. We had our first round of family-pass-the-vomit-bug and that was interesting. I started writing my first book. I had my first EKG (which was a humilaiting experience to say the least, yet I was pleased to have found no issues other than the Dr’s office probably thinking I was just a pain-pill junkie since there was never a reason found for the stabbing pain in my chest). I had my first Big Girl Night with my precious Bella which led to many Big Girl Days where I watched her order her first lunch on her own and tell the waitress “Thank you fo my lunch boy”. I cooked with her for the first time. Saw her learn to play soccer, dig up worms in the backyard only to re-bury them hoping they would turn into snakes, and of course learn to play catch with a pair of my panties while her and Andy both snickered at my humiliation. Bella also had her first “Skunking Daddy” experience when she caught 2 fish at the lake and he did not. That was truly a moment near and dear to my own heart. We bought our first car as a married couple. Handy Andy made his most impressive appearances to date with installing a hot water heater in 107 degree heat in our attic the night before Father’s Day, single-handedly hooking up our new dishwasher and of course completing a successful overhaul of our guest bathroom toilet and the sheetrock behind it.
More firsts…We got a glimpse of more of God’s promises coming true for us this last year as well. God ended up having more plans for us at Crosstimbers than we had originally thought when Andy accepted the position to take over the leadership of the kids ministry in addition to the youth. It was an easy choice with so many great people already in place. So much growth and learning has come with the leadership opportunities at Crosstimbers , but also a very exciting open door came with a simple phone call…Featured Speaker: Andy Tilly Falls Creek 2009. Our goal to reach as many people as possible in the most effective way is coming true in more ways at once than we had thought. Visions and dreams that were given to us years and years ago…we have seen parts of them come into reality. More times this year than in years before my breath has been taken away. I would like to say that some of the hurtful situations that come up while being in leadership were in the “firsts” category but that is just not true. They were not the first and they will surely not be the last. But it’s just part of the job and at the end of the day, God knows the hearts in each and every situation and it is His job to take care of business. Not mine.
2008 was a great year. It was tough, exciting, challenging and unexpected all at the same time. 2009 is here and already on it’s way to be the best year yet. I am truly thankful for all that we have lived in years past and also for what I know we will see in our years to come.
Alright WordPress
January 9, 2009
Ok. I was so excited to have “beaten” the issue with not being able to access my blog as I should be able to, yet after only 1 entry from my new laptop, the same problem occurred. After weeks of waiting for WordPress to figure out the issue, it is clear they feel that it doesn’t truly exist and that I am a crazy person who likes to make up technical difficulties and take up their tech support time just for kicks. Anyway, I have found a way around it….albeit extremely inconvenient…yet at least I can get writing again!
You’ve been good to me old friend…
January 2, 2009
Alright, it only took me getting a new laptop to be able to access my blog again! Of course we did not get this wonderful brand new shiny computer with only this blog in mind. Yet over the last 2 weeks my old computer had decided to redirect me every time I tried to view my own blog on it! Andy could still see it from his and so could others who I had vented to about the situation, so I knew it was still there somewhere. I was happy to know that my very own new piece of modern technology was on it’s way to our home and soon be my open door to get access back to this silly little story every day life in the Tilly House: Denton, TX Location.
So to you, my trusty old laptop that for almost 4 years has been by my side I say goodbye. You were a dear friend when I needed to vent many times by writing letters that I never intended to send and only saved in “my documents” until I got scared enough that someone might come across it and so I would then give it a quick send to the recycle bin. You were also many times my only connection to the outside world as I sat alone for days and sometimes weeks with no car and a new born baby. You have started this blog, you have searched for many recipes. You have edited the books we have written and been the beginning for those yet to be finished. One of the best things about you my dear old pal, you were free as a gift from my wonderful Daddy. Having said all of that, I feel the need in our goodbye to say that as dear to my heart as you have been, you have become quite slow from your years of service and to be honest, lately I believe you to be fire hazard due to the fact that your battery was able to reach the level of heat that could simply ignite into battery acid filled flames here on our lovely couch at any given moment.
Friends
December 18, 2008
I must admit that even though there are a lot of places where Andy and I are alike, one place that we are not is his ability to maintain relationships with people over long periods of time despite any physical distance between them. Several months ago I finally got to spend some time with a dear friend of Andy’s named David. David and Andy first met in like the 5th grade and to this day, when times get though they are still there for eachother even though they are now both in their 30’s with busy lives of their own (that’s right if you read this Andy…I said that you are in your 30’s because you are). I on the other hand, even though I know that a few of my longtime friends would not hesitate to find me if they needed me, I know for a few more that isn’t true.
I can say that some of the relationships that I had to let go were for the better. Some I truly, truly miss. I know how ridiculous this sounds but through Facebook I have been able to step out there and maintain better contact with those that I would like to restore a closeness with. But the truth of it is that even though I can be in contact with those few from the past through wall posts and status updates, I found myself aching for the closeness of a true friend who I can see, laugh with and sit across from at lunch while we wipe the snotty noses of our kids with tissues we pull from our hoodie pockets. Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots and lots of people who I really like and enjoy spending time with and getting to know. But finding that person who I can melt to when I have failed as a wife or mother, who I can vent to when the stresses of marriage and being in ministry get to me, or who I can laugh with at something totally inappropriate and not have to think twice about it has been tough. I don’t think that’s just me. I think that most people who have found themselves having to build relationships from scratch as an adult can relate. Finding someone who understands life in the fish-bowl makes the challenge all the more interesting.
A few months ago God must have noticed that I was drowning in loneliness and torturing my husband in the process by expecting him to be provider, partner, husband and best gal-pal all at the same time and gave He me a holy kick in the tail to get me moving on finding someone to really connect with. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have found someone down here who’s humor, husband, child and life is so similar to mine. We can grocery shop together, spank our kids together, appreciate the awesomeness of the most amazing blender ever made together and almost burn up dinner in the oven after forgetting that we were cooking anything together. (BTW, thank you to my new friend. And also I am posting this on your wall on Facebook, sending it to you in an email, reading it to you on your voicemail, leaving it in a note in your car, arranging for you to have it tattooed on your body and sending you a singing telegram of this post. Joking…but seriously Bella is currently throwing a massive fit after I opened the front door and she realized that your son was not on the other side of it even though she spent the entire day with him yesterday.)
I am writing all of this because I wish that a little over a year ago when I was in a very dark and very sad place in my life that I had come across a post like this. Something coming from someone who knows what it’s like to be married to a life where it can be lonely at the top and the question of “Who can I possibly talk to” is an everyday occurance. To those of you who are in the same position of the hunt for true friendship in the midst of ministry and life in the fish-bowl I will tell you there is something to be said for going with your gut when God might be bringing someone your way. Isolation, ministry and loneliness can be a very, very dangerous combination and I know that first hand. Getting to truly know someone new is an odd process and I am still in it. It doesn’t happen overnight and it takes effort. However, it feels much better than it does to not have taken the chance.
An Encounter with a Stranger
December 15, 2008
Today I decided to brave the 20-ish degree weather to get some errands taken care of with Bella. We ended up at Old Navy based on the fact that it feeling like winter finally inspired me to get my poor daughter some clothes that will actually keep her warm when she is outside the walls of our home…or possibly also when she is within them as well. Bella, true to form made the trip yet another memorable event…
After hitting the 2 for $10 rack and getting a great deal on some fleece hoodies and pants we headed to the checkout counter. The line was about 10 people long so of course patience was needed. Bella of course had already captured the attention of everyone waiting in line by taking random things and asking me “Paleeeeze Momma can I have dis one? Its my favwite fing I eva saw today!” By the time we got up to the front of the line my curious kid had already started to wander further from me to see what I was going to let her get away with before I threatened to not get her a sucker at the bank. I paid for our cute little sweat-sets and pairs of jammies all in size 2T and turned to head out of the store. I scan the area around the line of people waiting to check out and sure enough Bella had emerged from her hiding place behind the men’s socks and was standing exactly where I hadbeen 1 minute earlier. Without looking up to verify she had the right pant leg in her hand, she began to run her hand up the backside of the upper thigh of someone she assumed was her mother, yet was indeed a perfect stranger. Before I can even stop her, she has her little fingers scratching and groping at the lower butt cheek of this poor woman, who thank the Lord was a mother herself and wasn’t even phased by the event. I found this a little amusing yet to avoid any further violation of this lady I said to her, “Bella that’s not who you think that is baby…”
Hearing my voice and realizing it is not coming from the person next to her she looks up to see that the bottom she was groping was not the bottom of who she thought it was and suddenly her eyes beamed with fear. She quickly surveyed the area around her and there she sees me, just a few feet away. A laughter comes from the people in line as well as the Old Navy employees who had witnessed the past few minutes and her look of fear quickly turned into sheer and utter humiliation. My sweet little baby hung her head in embarrassment and ran into my arms as fast as her little pink hightop Converse would take her. As soon as she got her cold little hands on me the tears began to stream down her tiny cheeks. Those big tear-filled brown eyes looked into mine for comfort and quietly she said “I don wan dose people to see me sad Momma. Dey’s laffin at me.” I wiped her tears and gently said “Bella baby, they are laughing because you are so funny and they think you are very big and smart.” Her countenance quickly changed and with a small, meek smile she said “Oh, ok Momma. So dey jus know I am dey’s favwite fing today?” As I scooped her into my arms and stood from the stamped concrete floor I said in her ear “Yes Baby, you are their favorite thing today.”
We get to the car and as I am strapping her into her carseat we have the following exchange of thoughts:
Bella: “Momma, I wubbed on dat ladies booty.”
Me: “Yes Bella, you did rub on that ladies booty.”
Bella: “I fink she was happy cause she knows I am so big.”
Me: “Well baby, I don’t know. But please make sure it’s Mommy next time ok?”
Bella: “Ok Momma, I weew only wub on yo booty.”
Me: “Arlight baby. That’s my girl.”
The Christmas Letter
December 14, 2008
Alright, it is official. I am joining the ranks of woman-ly adulthood. I have thought a few times about writing a letter out to those we know and love, telling them the events in the life of our little family during the course of the year that is about to pass. Yet, not once have I ever intended to follow through with that passing thought. It’s not that I don’t like to write letters…if you read this blog you know that story telling and writing is something that I love to do. There is 1 soul reason why I have not (and never will as long as I have a breath in my body) sent out your typical yearly Christmas letter. Addresses. No part of my being has any such desire to gather hundreds and hundreds of addresses. My mother happens to be one of those people who can tell you the last 3 addresses of any given 10 people she has known for any chosen period of time as well as their anniversaries and their kids birthdays. I on the other hand could not tell you anyone’s phone number besides Andy’s out of the 100+ I have in my cell phone and I have been known to check 4 to 5 times before leaving the house to be sure I did indeed unplug my flat-iron.
So anyway, this year I have decided that I can get the best of both worlds by writing our family letter, yet post it on Facebook and this blog to avoid having to do the painstaking task of gathering street addresses, apartment numbers and zip codes. I need to admit I am quite proud of this little idea of mine. So now the work has begun. Pictures to post are being gathered and what the heck, may as well get a video of our little family thrown together as well. I mean you can’t do that in a paper letter anyway right? So to those of you who are interested, keep an eye out on the this blog for the first official Tilly Family (Denton, TX Location) 2008 Letter.
My Little DJ
December 11, 2008
Bella loves music. She has quite a variety from 1950’s music to rap (or booty trash music as I like to call it). Just recently she has started writing her own songs and putting on a concert for me when she is in the bath tub. These things she comes up with are priceless and she just sings her heart out. When we are out and about, she sits perched in her car seat in the back of the car and shouts out one song selection after another at me as if it is the Top 100 Request Hour. The other day she sat on Andy’s lap at our desk in the office with ipod earbuds in her tiny ears staring at all of his playlists on itunes. Every few minutes she would ask for a new song if she liked what she was hearing. But then when she wasn’t happy with DJ Andy’s selection she would demand a new song every 5 seconds until she found one she liked. She must have sat there for 30 minutes. Here are a few of her most recent favorites…If you are a music junkie like me you will appreciate her variety. She is quite diverse!
“Somebody’s Baby” by Jackson Browne
“The Cupid Shuffle” You would have to ask Andy on this one…
“Tennessee” by Arrested Development (Now that’s old school)
“Saturday Night” by The Bay City Rollers
“Authority Song” by Jimmy Eat World
“Take it Easy” by The Eagles
“Wild Wild Life” by The Talking Heads (She has this one memorized)
“River of Dreams” by Billy Joel
“Life in a Northern Town” by Dream Academy
